Ever since my last class with M Saint-Clair on May 29, I've been making various attempts at writing my last entry. I usually sit right down at my computer and type whatever comes to my mind at that moment, but I feel like that is a bad idea to finish this blog off in that way for several reasons:
1) I would probably write a novel if I sat down to a clean slate day of and gave myself free reign.
2) I want to spend my last day with friends and family and writing a novel would probably take a little while.
3) I would definitely ramble on and on and forget all the things I was supposed to say.
4) I'm probably way behind on packing.
So with all those reasons in mind, I'm going to begin writing the end now and that leads me to a question: How do you start the end? There are a million directions I could take and things I could say. I decided to look back on my first post for inspiration, and luckily, it gave me some grounds to get started. In it, I gave a little list of my goals for exchange and I'll share them with you again along with the outcomes:
1. Become Bilingual: Check. My French still isn't perfect considering my HUGE American accent, but it's pretty darn good. I converse, understand, think, and dream in French and I'm going to miss it deeply when I come back to America.
2. Dare to be Decisive: This is one of those goals that has taken a completely different direction now that I look back on my exchange. Last year, I was very frustrated because I took forever to make a decision and I didn't like that about myself, but now I've accepted that questions are meant to be asked and we are meant to be inquisitive. I've thought and reflected about everything this year more than I probably have in my whole life and I still don't have a very clear insight. It's certain that my views have completely changed and they will probably change again in the future, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. After all, we stop growing as soon as we're certain.
3. Obtaining independence: One of the most important things I've learned this year is that YOU are the only one that can make you happy. YOU are the only person you have from the moment you are born to the moment you die, and YOU have the choice to be happy. Of course, happiness is often shared between friends and family, and sometimes even strangers, but if you can learn to be happy with yourself, you can get through any difficult situation and hurdle thrust in your path. This was the independence I was looking for and I think I found it :)
4. Learn to be French: Yes, yes, and yes! I love France and so many of my habits have changed this year. I will always be partly French thanks to this year, and I hope that I never ever lose my joie de vivre, or joie de Privas for that matter!
Even though I'm headed back to New York on Sunday, I know this year will always stay close to my heart. I'm unbelievably sad that this whole experience is coming to an end and I still can't believe it. For an entire year, my main identifier was " the exchange student." In a very short amount of time, my title will be forgotten and I will assimilate back into normal society. The one thing giving me comfort right now is my idea that exchange is much larger than one year. On Facebook, there was an essay going around between exchange students about the definition of exchange. Here's mine: Exchange is a state of mind. It's taking risks and jumping into the unknown. It's a new approach at living. It's talking to people you wouldn't normally talk to and doing things you wouldn't normally do. It's letting go of control and pride. It's accepting the fact that you don't know everything. It's breaking down stereotypes. Exchange is learning to fall in love with life.
There have been so many ups and downs, frustrations and delights, setbacks and leaps forward this year. There have been tears shed, laughs shared, hands held, moments passed in blissful silence, and others in utter confusion and embarrassment. It's strange to think that all these moments will soon be a distant memory, a dream. I'm learning to keep my head up through it all, and I'm thankful for all the experiences and happiness and loss that have been a part of my exchange.
Before I say goodbye and sign of as Travelbug for the last time, I want to thank all of you who have been following my blog this year. You have been immensely supportive (special shout-out to my family!) and it means the world to me! I'll be sure to let you all know if I ever keep another blog. (You never know!) I have grown incredibly attached to Joiedeprivas and while I'm unbelievably sad that this is the end, I'm really excited and ready to start a new beginning.
With all that said and done, I'm going to finish off my blog with a few phrases for all my French readers: Merci beaucoup à tous pour cette année - mes familles (les Delenne, les Dollé, et les LeBlond), le Rotary à Privas et mes amis. J'ai passé une année incroyable avec vous et ça va me manquer tellement. Une partie de mon coeur va rester avec vous à Privas et Chomérac pour toujours et c'est sûr que je reviens un jour. Je vous aime beaucoup et merci encore!
VIVE LA FRANCE!!! :D
XOXO,
Travelbug
