Lobster Soufflé and Laundry

                                  (L'église Saint-Pierre de Champagne)

These past couple days have been quite challenging. The more time I spend away from my host family, the more I feel like an outcast. It's difficult to be charming and funny and interesting when you can't even think of what to say, and you have to ask other people to repeat things over and over again because you don't understand. School is where I feel the most alone and out of place. I don't think I've ever really belonged in high school, and I definitely have had those feelings reaffirmed now that I'm there once again. I'm with a class of 15 and 16 year-olds, and I'm with the same people for the whole day. Even when I try to make conversation, people just laugh because I mess up the grammar or the pronunciation. And it hasn't helped that I've had a stomach ache / headache for most of the week. Ugh...

On Thursday morning, I had science class. I was feeling queasy, and of course we had to dissect an eyeball. Yes, and eyeball. It was the most disgusting thing in the world, and I don't see why we'd waste a perfectly good eyeball for a little observation. Can't we just watch a video or something? I managed to make it through the painfully long hour and a half, and I was so relieved when the bell finally rang. I decided to give Marion, my student correspondent, a break since I'd been following her around everywhere for the past few days, and spent a while in the library. I've taken up reading Harry Potter #7  because my host family has a copy in English and in French. I'll read a paragraph in English, then a paragraph in French. It's a painfully long process, but it's better than nothing.

Friday was my roughest day so far. I had Spanish in the morning, and even though I didn't understand anything, the teacher was nice, so it wasn't horrible. The worst part was my two hour French class in the afternoon. The teacher knows I don't know French very well, but he singled me out the class and started asking me questions. I had no idea what he was saying, so I responded politely with my limited French that I didn't understand, and hoped he would just let it go. Of course, he wouldn't take that for an answer, and insisted on me speaking in French. I stumbled along with some pitiful answer, and everyone was laughing because my French was so pathetic. It was a tad humiliating, but what was I gonna do? On top of everything, I have so much homework here, and I don't understand any of it. I asked two different people in my class if they could help me, and they both said no, so I can't say I didn't try, right? I'm just so relieved that my grades don't matter this year, because I will probably fail. And I'm sure I'm not the first one to say it, but it's definitely frustrating when everyone thinks you're stupid and you know you're not.

I ended up coming home and crying for the first time in front of Anne and Charlotte while we were having a drink on the patio. That was kind of embarrassing, too, but they were quite helpful and comforting. Anne reassured me that I was with a bunch of young, immature, teens who would never have the courage to be in my position. She also said to not worry about finishing my homework (yay!) Thank God for Anne.

Yesterday, I spent all day with my Rotary Club. I was right in my prediction of there being a bunch of people from Belgium who came to visit a church. Maybe my French is better than I think! We left at 9 in the morning on a tour bus, and made our way to a small village called Champagne. Our first stop was L'église Saint-Pierre, a really old church built in the early 1000s. It was very peaceful, until my phone went off super loud right when everyone was pausing to look at the columns. It wasn't even any of the three contacts who know my number; it turned out to be a wrong number. I really have to learn how to turn off the sound on my phone. I kind of wandered from the group a little and ventured up this long, spiral stone staircase. It emptied into a tiny little passageway that had a bunch of prison cells. It looked like people hadn't been there for a while, and I suddenly felt like my life had turned into National Treasure or something.

After the church, we drove to some field where we had a picnic. I made a couple of conversations, but it was awkward, because I was by far the youngest person there, and again, I didn't have much I could say. When lunch was finished, we toured a distillery where brandy is made. It was actually lots of fun, and afterwards, I had a nougat candy that is a specialty of Montélimar. It was really good (I mean the ingredients are almonds, sugar, and honey), and I plan on buying a bunch of them when I can. We stopped at a wine cave, where all the Rotary members drank wine and I took pictures outside. For one of the Rotary rules being no drinking, they sure drag me on a lot of drinking trips.

The most random part of the day was a marriage reception we stopped in at for maybe 45 minutes. I think we were planning on stopping at the actual wedding, but we spent too much time at the wine cave and were really late. The bus stopped on the side of the road where all the Belgians and French started changing right outside into their wedding clothes (I'm glad I came wearing mine). The reception was in the middle of this forest at a chateau, and it was pretty casual. I had caviar and foie gras for the first time, and I really don't understand all the hype. Desserts are so much better, and there was a lot less of them. I felt quite awkward because I barely knew anyone, including the members of the Rotary club, so I mostly wandered around eating like a true wedding crasher. I felt like even more of a wedding crasher when we had to leave because there wasn't enough food for us for the actual dinner.

We drove around to find a restaurant, and by this time it was completely dark. We ended up stopping in the middle of nowhere, where we got off the bus and trekked through these fields and pastures with no civilization in site. Finally, after walking and walking, and not finding food, the bus picked us up and we drove and we drove, and we finally found the restaurant. I was absolutely starving and we started eating soon after we arrived. There was no ordering; everyone was served the same meal: a salad with duck for a starter, a soufflé with lobsters sticking out of it for the main course, a yogurty-cheesey dish, and a flambé made with meringue, ice cream, and cake for dessert. The whole meal took about 2-3 hours, including the coffee that came after all that was finished. I was quite alarmed when the lobster dish came out. I don't understand peoples' obsession with serving food that still has its eyeballs and antennas, and other various body parts. The dish was made to look like the lobsters were clawing their way out of the soufflé and to me, it just looked like a lobster torture-chamber. The more I eat meat, the less I like it. It's hard to get used to pâtés and seafood and duck when you haven't been eating it for a long time. On the other hand, I'm learning that I like a lot of desserts I've never tried before.

Today is another relaxed day. I got home at 2 in the morning, and slept really late. My host family had the news on for me for a while with all the 9/11 memorials and remembrance. Not much else to report – I did my laundry, cleaned up my room, and wrote this blog. I'm not really looking forward to returning to school tomorrow, but unfortunately, I don't have a choice. Hopefully things will get better farther down the road. Until then, I'm stumbling through the hurtles, living day by day.